Hello. My name is Jonathan, aged 34 – professional(ish), fun(ish), educated(ish), fat(much).

I’ve been on the larger side of “cuddly” since I was two years old. As of October 2014, I stand 6’1” tall, 28 stones 11lbs in weight – yeah, none of this concealment rubbish, I’m morbidly obese.Ever the fat guy in the group, ever tarnished with the whole “jovial” prejudice, a tongue sharper than a bag of razor blades should somebody annoy me, subject to abuse from the cowards who’d not pass comment face-to-face for fear of getting eaten, featuring an ingrained self-deprecation that goes beyond the call of duty and the holder of several dubious nicknames (and reputations) both famous and infamous.

I am not a serial dieter. I categorically loathe the “public ridicule” motivational component of slimming clubs and cannot be bothered with pointing this or fluorescent orange day that or faddy diets. I like convenience – I am lazy and am not afraid to admit it. I like fattening food: crisps and cakes, beer and take-outs. But whilst I do not want to look good in a Little Black Dress or a bikini, I’m sick of being fat and unfit. I’ve never known what it’s like to be thin. I understand nutritional theory and plan to use technology to help me. Again. So, I’m inviting you to share in my second attempt at a weight-loss journey, via this blog, and welcome any feedback you wish to give. I’ll also try to look into my own triggers and drivers and whilst I make no guarantee that I’ll succeed in my goals, I plan to…

March 2016

Weight: 28 stone 13 lb. Overriding emotion: Meh!!! (followed by self-chiding, a la “Come on, Fatboy! You’ve done this before, stop making it so hard on yourself!”)

So, last time out I had reverted to my start weight. Then came the lead up to Christmas, various parties, social gatherings, the New Year, drinking my own bodyweight in beer in the process. Loads of stress and taking on the issues of several friends and family members also crushed me. That’s almost all the excuses out of the way. My best friend, who’s also my housemate, has also been really struggling with things recently, which has – with hindsight, thank you old friend – impacted on my own mood and drive a lot more than I thought it had. The final excuse, which completely knocked me for six, was that the long-standing sports injury I had in my knee has progressed to degenerative arthritis (I’ve been struggling to kneel on it for about three months as of writing). For somebody “normal,” you could argue this should encourage me to lose weight but for somebody with my relationship with food? Yeah, you guessed it!!!

Late-November to mid-January is typically a big blur – all you’re left with to remind you of the excesses is a number of random gifts that you end up scattering around the house (or leaving in a gift bag beside your entertainment system for months on end) and a credit card bill that takes you until April to get on top of. I’m personally not a believer in New Year Resolutions because I feel they set you up to fail but I am a believer in reassessing your life regularly. At the close of January, having overcome my fear of the cause of me suddenly dropping my jeans and trousers for tracksuit and/or elasticated waist bottoms, I had hit 29 stone 7 lbs on the scales – I was distraught, especially after originally bright start. Honestly, if you’d have said “dude, here’s a way out…” I may have actually considered it for a split second. That just isn’t me. I needed a slap (let’s start metaphorical although I wouldn’t have ruled out physical too!).

The last straw came when my housemate videoed me Salsa dancing at a social event at the end of January. I’m getting a smidgeon proficient now (I’d say, hitting the “improver” level rather than “absolute beginner” and in a true throwback to being back at school, the sense of pride when I finally got not one but TWO compliments from my teacher was truly disproportionate!) and so have been working on getting smoother on the basics and leading my partner better, a strong base being a better foundation being my theory. My housemate was really impressed at how smoothly I now dance and how well people follow me, having recorded several dances unbeknownst to me. Watching them back, I was mortified by just how much belly and overall “frontage” I have. That led to me crashing hard emotionally – there are a few new moves in Salsa that I’m really struggling with, mainly because they’re “close” moves and I have that standard fat-guy “insecurity-concealed-as-respect-for-A.N.Other” issue with getting too close to somebody physically, for fear of either crushing them or bouncing them out of the way (or just disbelief that something soft bouncing into them could possibly ever be desirable). I also don’t seem to fit well when squidged into somebody and do find some of the moves much harder than they should be if I’m partnered with a fellow larger person! Watching the video, I could understand why. Whilst Salsa has changed my body shape somewhat and given my already sparrow-eque lower-legs more definition, I’m enormous!!! And I have stupid, mad-professor hair.

Thus, after that Social, I realised I really, really, REALLY had to take back control of my life from my eating. I reinstated my food diary properly, ensured I always take 2 large water bottles into work to help me differentiate between hunger and thirst again, start trying to actually USE my kitchen properly. Even though still at a low ebb, I am slowly coming around – and I have lost 8 lbs over the past three weeks. Not amazing but much better than gaining, which is the trajectory I’d fallen into. I just have to keep myself strong and focussed – there is one advantage to being a Catholic at this point, I can use my religion during Lent to try and keep me stronger so no Crisps, Chocolate or Alcohol which should help… Pray for Jonny!!!!

___________________________________________________________________

________________________________

_All content within Big Matters website is provided for general information only and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice, diagnosis or treatment of your own doctor or any other health care professional. Big Matters Ltd is not liable for the contents of any external internet sites listed, nor does it endorse any individual, including all independant consultants on this site, any commercial product or service mentioned or advised any of the sites including nutritional information supplied herein. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider if you have any questions regarding a medical condition, your diet or before embarking on any exercise program or if you're in any way concerned about your health. Under no circumstances shall Big Matters be liable for any loss, damage or harm caused by a User's reliance on information obtained through this site. It is the responsibility of a User to evaluate the information, opinion, advice or other Content available on Big Matters website.

__________________________________